If You Ever

 

If You Ever

 

is how the sentence
begins

when I break
the silence

wanting my life to end

 

call me
I’m here
for you

how I wish
this was true

even though
you repeatedly
say

will you
be there

in the darkest night
my nothingness
of gray

I barely hold on
keeping insanity
at bay

times feeling
most lost

to hear your voice
what would it truly

cost …

Never Ending

Never Ending

I’m so fucking frustrated
can’t wait for this day to end
so I can wake up
and go through this bullshit
again

I hate my existence
wishing someone would execute
my long awaited death sentence
tired of this shit and strife
I’m ready for my next fucked up
life

it’s like I’m sentenced to hard labor
punishment’s pain, nothing to gain
doing time in hell’s pen
tired of how this recycles
again

again and again this bondage
I am always forever chained in
don’t know how to make it
end

like crack in a smoked out pipe
addicted to it
I am

Anxious

Anxious

I feel like the race has started
and I’m too late out the gate
frustration’s aggravation
beneath my skin grates

it’s the little things
I won’t deal with
letting them dwell and swell
until they become fact’s fiction
and continue to keep ditching

I can no longer distinguish
or tell

what keeps me feeling
so unwell

stick and stay
cause they say
it gets better

but it doesn’t
seem that way
at least not today

feeling these demons
pull and sway

Acceptance

Acceptance

Could you accept this man …

wearing worn clothes
with no jewelry’s
bling, bling

who owned not
one material thing

Could you accept this man …

who rhymed poetical
from his mind

seeking dharma
sublime

wisdom’s peace
you’d help him find

Could you accept this man …

whose compassion
for lost souls
flow

like the Ganges untold
into myriad dimensions
too void less to mention

yet would spend
ten thousand upon
ten thousand years

for just a moment
of your attention

Could you accept this man …

who feared
your beauty within

that shines so bright
it’s the constant sparkle
that lights his eyes

the brilliance
he wishes he could
lose himself inside

Could you accept this man …

your womb he’d seed
raise a future indeed

of respected queens
and kings

taught not to follow
but forever lead

yet humble in spirit
truly be

Could you accept this man …

that is beauty’s beast
in his heart
a darkness keep

but through
patient guiding
love

find the way
and rise above

finding release
in harmony
that never ceased

Could you accept this man …

faithfully true
no matter
what you’d do

being there
until the end

and could truly claim
all we’ve been through

could you …

Why I’m Racist

Why I’m Racist

I hate that I have to choose sides
I hate that I have to justify and explain why

when no team wanted me anyway
left looking from the sidelines

I say black lives matter
I say all lives matter

as I act like nothing matters
so what really is it that matters

and it’s not just
the color of my skin

it’s also my culture
and my so called religion

this is the sad ass truth
I am killing myself

whether from a gun, drugs
or the voting booth

being told what to think
accept and believe

swallowing false cures
for my social disease

and it’s not just me
I’m destroying
the planet too

killing the environment
all its beautiful inhabitants

the future
I never knew

and if I allow this to continue
with no shame, then who

who is at fault
I’m the one to blame

so yes I am racist
against my human race

I think mankind is awful
and needs to be replaced

Cine City Updated Trailer

We had a few changes in our line up! But Come out and see 7 great films! Win trivia prizes!
Buy pre-sale advanced tickets for $10 here: Cine-City: Community Film Exposé
Otherwise tickets are $15 at the door.

Section 8 Magazine is one of sponsors of this event, the 8 will be in effect … 8+ …

Book Excerpt from Musings of a Mad Man by Adam Brown

Coward by Ember

Fragmented Dimensions

Fragmented Dimensions

I hear whispers of your god calling my name
telling me to rejoin the fold again
or is it just my insanity, indecision to remain sane
wrestle with my soul, fighting for
but never knowing the goal

wonder if it’d be better if my existence I just sold
truth be told, it’s still a no go far as my faith goes
belief for me isn’t real it’s just fake gold
repressing emotions that repeatedly unfold
regressing back to my nature that’s timeless old

tired and frayed is how I seem to stay
as my mind unwinds a little more each day
on dharma’s pathway, but distractions hold sway
controlling, in my shades of gray

where nothing changes, yet everything decays
like the corpse of the child inside
losing hope and no longer cries
whose tears now silent have all died

becoming dust lost in the lust of material gain
thinking it could provide the high
I might one day escape by

like Icarus I fell trying to reach the sun
the same one Apollo’s son tried to run
thinking that I was the one, now fallen
left contemplating this gun

I’m tired of just trying to hang on
make it to the next day, and then some
dealing with all that’s within me gone wrong
wonder if it’s just me with a loose screw all along

a sandwich just short of the picnic basket
what it is that keeps me an addict
to the way I’m living because I can’t get it
having compassion for all, but never given none

what hell is in store for me in this life I’m sinning
always starting over but never winning
I feel like I’m eternally stuck here at the beginning
forever it seems to me, never ending

my pen is the sword like the knife I want to end my life
sharp, it cuts deep like the ink I put in my skin
telling the stories of all my forsaken sins
pain and suffering that resurfaces once again

having to live being me, through these eyes see
what I long to believe, but can never conceive
that life is beautiful, understanding I cannot glean
until my existence one day will it cease
I hold false hope will soon be my release

living these choices I’ve made in this broken bed I lay
through my mind I flow as a shadow tortured, so torn
the forgotten one, lost to self-destruction’s war
this obsessive, depressive addiction I hold to the core

craving every second I stay
becoming so lost I cannot be saved
so to the darkness I succumb and cave

Last Days

22 August 2012

My heart hurts over losing you
My heart hurts more because
Of what I did ….

23 August 2012

I sit in this empty house thinking about how I got here. My heart broken again, but this time because of my own sin.

30 August 2012

I had a beginning not too long ago, now it’s all gone. I did this to myself and can blame no one else. Living like a transient the darkness is calling me through the dulling pain, immerse myself in it finding no comfort for I allow myself none – only tormenting guilt and shame.

I am the cause, the problem for how I feel. Always, everyday this is how I deal. Craving all these devices chasing the illusion this addiction I will not escape. Nothing has changed it is all the same. Lying to myself and everyone round me because I can tell no one how it drives me insane. Watching myself fall apart wanting to do nothing to stop it. My soul is crying I feel it dying losing desire to just be … dominated by demons as I barely survive refusing to believe.

Madness overcomes me in my narrowing scope of reality. Wishing no one gave a fuck would make it easier to quit this existence in which I’m stuck. I don’t care about anyone, or anything … especially me …

I have love from family
I have love from friends
I had love from a woman

It all means nothing
It all ends …

Because I have no love for Self …

01 September 2012

The reason why it doesn’t work for me is because I do not love myself … I cannot love myself how can I love anyone else …

I am disillusioned with this experience … a long time ago. It’s not nothing impresses me only the end result is not as hyped as advertised … why is that?

I know the answer to that as well …

I will not miss being gone for I have kissed the lips of the succubus …

04 September 2012

It is hard not to contemplate suicide when it whispers so seductively in my ear. I hear it calling in my darkest sleep and is with me when I am awake. I would do anything not to feel this way …

All I have are my words no one wants to hear …